In my over 20 years of experience doing hypnotherapy with clients, I have noticed a pattern when it comes to these tendencies. Often, they relate to having had a critical parent while growing up.
Here's how this works. When we are children, we don't have any ability to step back and look at another person's behavior very objectively. We have no way of recognizing that perhaps their critical nature has more to do with their unresolved stuff then it has to do with some fault or flaw within us. As children, we tend to be egocentric. This means we believe everything is about us. If a parent is critical towards us, we think we need to change something or be better in order to avoid their criticism.
And so we will strive to do better, be better, in order to be safe from the criticism directed at us from others. However, because the criticism was never really about us, regardless of how hard we try, we still receive criticism. So we think we have to try harder, do better, be more, we have a belief that if we are perfect nobody can criticize us.
We also may think that if we can please somebody, be what they want us to be, do what they want us to do, then we can avoid their criticism as well. So we'll try to figure out what somebody wants from us, what they value, what they celebrate or appreciate and we will try to be that. We will try to please other people even to our own detriment.
And so we developed these patterns early on as a way of avoiding criticism. But because the subconscious is illogical in nature, these patterns will often persist even when we're no longer around that critical person. Long after you move out of your parents home, your tendency towards perfectionism and people pleasing will continue. You will bring those patterns into other relationships. This looks like saying “yes” when you really mean no. This looks like putting other people's needs before your own. This looks like caring too much about what other people think. This looks like striving for perfect when “good enough” would do.
If you or somebody you know struggle with perfectionism or people pleasing, reach out to me and let's chat. I always offer a free consultation to anybody interested in my services. There is no obligation, on either of our parts, to go ahead with sessions. It's an opportunity to meet, chat about your goal and see if it's a fit. Use the link below to book your free consultation